What the fuck is wrong with me? It's my birthday, and I'm fighting with my wife over where our life is going?!
How did I get here?
Let's take some time to reflect on how I got here.
I have been really struggling as of late to find passion and purpose in my job. I mean, I spend my days attempting to figure out how to get people on the internet to click on a button and spend more money.
Seeing how we write a blog about saving and investing money, it grates against every inch of my being. And yet, I feel trapped into it.
Why?
The pay certainly is nice, but really that's not the reason. It's the health insurance. We aren't completely free to cover our expenses yet, but we certainly have enough to sustain us for a while. I just can't fathom the thought of upping our expenses by almost 20% simply to cover health insurance premiums and have an almost $5,000 deductible per person.
I think the part I'm really struggling with is that I feel trapped. I haven't felt this way in a long long time. We've had enough money to walk away from jobs that we've hated several times in the past. Mrs. Wow left to start her own company, and I have walked away from a horrible, horrible company.
But, here's the thing... I work at a great company right now, so I don't think it's the company, I think it's the job. I'm not thrilled about it. There are parts that I find engaging and challenging, but I just have trouble getting excited to drag myself into an office everyday, to spend my limited hours on this earth making bunches of other people rich.
So, yeah, I'm feeling the burnout. I've been doing this for almost 15 years, I guess I'm fairly good at it, judged from all the recruiting calls I get. I guess it's valued as I'm compensated fairly well.
And yes, I could find another job, but once the luster of the new location and team wears off, it's still the same job. The same thing over and over and over.
Figuring it out
I don't know what to do about the funk I'm in.
But, I need to figure it out. There are about a million other things I would rather do with my day than go into the office today. Yet, I go in an attempt to push us further down our path to financial freedom.
I need to get exercising again, and I need to get my head screwed on straight. And I need to figure out a bunch of things for me first. I also need to be able to not vent and project onto my wife. That's not fair to her and it's not fair to our relationship.
It's been written many times before in this space, the money part is easy. It's the mindset and the psychology that's the hard part. And I think it truly is.
So what do we do about it?
I was talking to someone at work. And the discussion turned to a task that I need to get done now, only to have to re-do it in a couple weeks.
In my typically cynical, sarcastic manner, I made a comment, "Ehh... it's tech work, it's all throw away work."
Then on my bike ride home, I came to the realization that most everything in life is throw away. We spend all this time making food, just to eat it and shit it out again. A house will crumble with out maintenance, everything needs up keep. Nothing is ever complete, or finished. Most importantly you, yourself, are in a constant state of flux. And you can either deteriorate or improve, it depends on what you choose to do with your day and where you decide to concentrate.
Here's what I came to realize. The key is the process, you need to enjoy the journey. I truly enjoy cooking, and take pride in the results, despite the cyclical nature of the outcome.
I actually enjoy my bike ride home, even though there's not really an end to it. I just ride out in the morning and return right back to the same spot in the evening, and do it all over again the next day. But I love the journey, I enjoy the process of it.
So, with my job, I'm going to try my best to not worry about the boring parts (This is certainly easier said than done), I'm going to concentrate on the problem solving and the puzzles that I enjoy.
With my body, I need to work out more, but I need to enjoy the work outs, not worry about the 6-pack that comes at the end.
It goes with all this finance stuff as well. I can't rush and rush to get to a number, so that I can quit my crappy job, just to move on to a crappy life. I need to get my head screwed on straight, figure out parts of life that I enjoy now and enjoy the journey to financial freedom.
So, I apologized to and thanked my wife for putting up with my pissy attitude. Because like everything else, relationships are a work in progress, there is place for constant improvement and up keep, and we have to enjoy the process with them as well.
***You can see in the picture up there, I didn't keep up with the up-keep go on my car tires. One of the belts was pulling away from the sidewalls and it luckily blew while it was parked. I'm getting new tires this weekend... Again... maintenance is super important for everything!***
đź’¬ 57 comments
Happy birthday, Mr. WOW. May this next year be filled with the things that make the journey wonderful
Seriously though, I really value our friendship because you guys are real people with real problems. Seeing and hearing how you two approach problems set a good example for me on what a healthy relationship looks like. Even good relationships have ups and downs. I burnt out after only 5 years in the workforce. Maybe what you need is a mini-retirement or a sabbatical. You don't have to do it forever but it would be enough to hit the refresh button (and maybe keep you on their health insurance haha).
Well, we're real alright. Just was one of those things that caught me off guard. And I sat down to write about it as a way of venting. Seems like it was relatable. We really have to keep ourselves looking at the process and the progress and concentrate on the day to day. It makes things a lot better.
You're valued too Gwen! Good LUCK!
I'm thankful that when I get into these funks, I don't have a job, so have more time to devote to myself. You're not far away either.
Know that the funky times will still come, job or not. However, it's better when you have the mental bandwidth to deal with it.
And hey, maybe you just need another trip to Weldwerks???
And happy birthday man!
Yeah I think I need to get back to working on somethings that I was working on earlier, and I need to get back into working out and stuff again. It truly is amazing how much that impacts you.
Also... Weldwerks was good, but I believe both the Mrs and I were partial to Wiley Roots. Maybe you should pick up a part time job there? they could pay you in beer!
Sometimes the grind wears us down. It's definitely important to realize that everything in our lives requires work, and just embrace the journey. Nice post.
I guess they wouldn't call it the "grind" if it didn't wear on you after a while. Anyway... thanks for the kind words.
Oh and Happy bday!
It's eye-opening about the constant maintenance of everything. Working out at a gym, stretching and staying limber, maintaining our salsa dancing skills, eating healthy food, gardening. It all goes into decay without attention. Maintaining what you want in life and letting the rest go is never-ending, but I guess that's life.
You're certainly right, that it's easy when the company is awful, the decision is made for you. But when it's not, there's really no reason to be upset.
Everything requires maintenance. So we just have to take pleasure in performing that maintenance. I think that's really the key to the whole thing. Enjoy the process of the maintenance, the end is and will always be fleeting.
I think I found somethings, just gotta find the time for them. An excuse I know, but true nonetheless.
But this is the internet. Unrequested advice is what it's all about.
So here's mine: Pick the blue one! ;)
Blue one... AYE!
I’d encourage you to take some time away when you can. Best of luck
"Cheese Grater to the balls." Is that better or worse than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick?
Cheese grater...I suppose that comes from it being less lethal but equally painful than the sharp stick.
When it comes to the "what the fuck am doing with my life?" questioning, it doesn't exactly go away with FIRE. If anything it can get amplified when there no longer is a boss who is responsible for keeping you motivated, or giving you a schedule. It's very liberating, but also leaves the entire responsibility of your time on your shoulders alone.
I don't have any kids, and find myself asking what will my legacy be, or do I even need a legacy? As with most anxiety I get, this line of thinking probably eats at me because it has to do with the future. The best solution for me has been to find something fun to obsess over in the present.
Last year I was all about playing guitar and fishing, but this year I haven't done a lick of either. I was maybe a bit tired of those hobbies and the motivation wasn't the same. So I though through other things I wanted to do or learn in life and ended up going down the rabbit hole of mushroom hunting. Now I'm doing photography classes.
Basically, I'm continuously trying to find that next ball to chase. Even when I was working, I probably stressed a lot less about the future when my mind was occupied with my latest renovation or garden project. In those instances it was actually better for work to be boring, because I could spend that time mulling over the next steps I'd take when I got home.
Instead of trying to piece together what my life will look like, or setting a big new goal (like FIRE used to be for me,) I'm simply trying to find interests and hobbies that will keep my mind occupied in the present. Where those things are taking me, I don't know, but if I'm having fun then it must end up somewhere good.
Maybe you just need a new ball to chase.
Oooh, I like it! Let's do a nanobrewery or some other small business.
I'm game... nanobrewery. I've often thought about getting a part time job at the brewery down the street and starting to learn the processes. Maybe I should. That would be awesome.
I do have a couple things rattling around in my head at the moment. I need to get back to doing those things that I find interesting and passionate about them.
Thanks for the kick in the pants. It certainly is a weird thing... this life.
"Distracted from distraction by distraction
Filled with fancies and empty of meaning"
-TSElliot
Mr.WOW - best blog post from you yet!
that's some raw honesty ... so even if you're in a funk, at least this post goosed a bunch of us!
seriously though, find a rabbit hole to fall down and be obsessed with... in some ways, I think it's harder to suffer through a not-bad-but-unfulfilling job than a seriously shitty job
happy birthday, hang in there, and go learn to run a brewery - it will keep you out of trouble for a while
This is so human nature to feel this way. I feel all of the PF community feels this way from time to time. I love how human it is. We aren't perfect. No one is.
I'm starting this part-time financial coaching business while my kids are in school and it isn't easy. I'm trying to remember why I'm doing it. I keep looking at my WHY statement. I want to help people and couples figure this stuff out. The stuff I have figured out.
Having something to look forward to has always been my way to get out of a funk. My husband and I talk about this often. If it is a vacation, or a family trip or just a movie with the family in the living room. That helps soo much!
I agree it is the journey! :)
Thanks for the well wishes!
I think that's something that will always be there. It's exacerbated by unfulfilling work or stress, but it's always going to be there. No matter how good we have it.
For me, it's about finding a real purpose in life beyond a paycheck. I haven't found it yet, but I'm getting closer. I've been volunteering at the animal shelter and making more time to see my family.
You'll find yours. :)
Thanks for the kind words! And I'm hopeful you find yours as well!
Sometimes life milestones like birthdays, or even relative or friend's death days give us pause to question what the heck have I done / am I doing? And where do we go from here? Faderhead's song 'Destroy, Improve, Rebuild' often comes to mind, sometimes the rebuilding with improvements means letting go of (destroying) what has been.
Happy Birthday! Wishing you a great year!
Perception certainly is part of the solution. We have to just keep perspective as much as we can. And it's all in the way you look at things.
Yes. For me it's everything, and wards off depression. Or at least keeps it milder than it would be.
The mental benefits of exercise are clinically proven and indisputable. Your bike ride to and from work is a start (and that's why you enjoy it), but you should start hitting it hard elsewhere. If you're like me things will start making sense and the suckyness will be WAY less once you really get in the swing of things with your workouts. Don't focus on abs or how you look in the mirror, focus on how it makes your mind feel.
You got this dude!
My bike ride is helping, but I think I need more of that.
Thank you again for writing this.
Thanks for stopping by, your comment really struck me.
Two things I have found last long after your lifetime. 1) solving big problems like inventing the light bulb. 2) helping others achieve their goals and better their lives. It sounds like you have FU money and maybe Lean FI too. What is the downside risk? You need more money, take one of the recruiter calls and go back to the everyone else normal daily life. What is the upside potential? You solve a big problem and become a multi-millionaire doing it or help a ton of people and earn the respect and admiration of a large network of people that sing your praises long after your gone. P.S. option three was, tell Mrs. WOW to get her biz off its lazy butt and make profit already. P.P.S. Happy Birthday!
Working twice as long at a job I love, is definitely an option. But here's the thing. I actually like what I do... I just don't like having to go into an office and do it for someone else. I'll come home and sit and do the exact same thing that I do in the office, and be completely happy. Weird how that works.
So, as for helping others. One of my passions is coaching, I love it. And I can't wait to get back to it. It's a great way to spend your time, and I can only hope that I am leaving a positive impact.
Sorry to hear that you are in a rut. When you say " “Ehh… it’s tech work, it’s all throw away work.” I used to feel that way too. Code that gets written, get re-written/upgraded every couple of years, so what's the point? Now, that we're doing more permanent things (like writing a book), that's helped my fulfillment needs--but then again permanent things come with a risk too---if it doesn't sell, it disappears off the shelves, or if it's not a good book (*fingers crossed that's not the case*) you're stuck with having it out there forever. But with anything that comes with a high reward, you have risk.
I love the way you think about the process, rather than the end result. As with most things in life, we get stuck on the end goal, when it's the process that really matters. You end up growing and changing so much on the journey there, that when you look back, you realized it really is about the process, not the end goal.
Happy holidays and hope to see you at Fincon next year!
It most certainly is the process, that's the part that we need to concentrate on. Just gotta keep perspective.
Happy Holiday's and hopefully we will see you at fincon, if not before.
Thanks, and yeah, more exercise is certainly helping a lot!